i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
