I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
