We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
