thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
