i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
