you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Success! We fucked roommates!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
