ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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