im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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