Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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