When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
