just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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