You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
