Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
