I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
