According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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