you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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