My first STD was from a foam party
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
