you guys were way drunker than both of me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
