My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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