You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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