You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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