apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
