just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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