In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
