the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
