I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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