I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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