dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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