So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
