11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This is my gift to your gina
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
