I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
