I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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