if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
