Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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