I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
