last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
