At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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