I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
