I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
