Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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