Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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