So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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