living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
