Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
