Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
