i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
