i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
