Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
