So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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