I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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