We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
