I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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