I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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