morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
