getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Still dying that you shit outside
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
