Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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