Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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