Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i think i just lost a toe
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
