We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
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His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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