Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
