I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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