booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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