I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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