So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
