I think my fart just growled at me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
