I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
