Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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