It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We are two peas in an std pod
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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