If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
