u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
