I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
