It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
