just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
