I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
