I just saw a hot homeless man
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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