I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
