Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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